extremely sorry for the long hiatus...i have moved to a new house and havent set up the computer or the internet as yet..hence the delay...sorry..shall be back...

Truth that hurt or lies that comfort.If it were only a question that required only a verbal answer,most of us would like to choose truth that hurts,as that seems to be the more noble choice out of the two,it appeals to our inherent chivalrous nature.In reality,we always choose to ignore the obvious,it may be slapping us acros our face,yet we wont question it.When a loved one is doing something that hurts us,our sub-consious knows what the truth is,we know it hurts,we condone him or her by giving him/her the benefit of doubt.The benefit of doubt which we offer is the "Lie that comforts us".The benefit of doubt depends on the amount of trust we place on a person.So,if the person is close to us,we unconsiously choose "lies that comfort"by default,and then when the web of lies we choose to believe run out,we face the "Truth that hurts"So all of us choose both truth that hurts and the lies that comfort,its not a question of choice,but a choice by default.

"Truth that hurt or lies that comfort?"-Kite runner
beautiful lines...think about it..shall elaborate..wts ur choice?????

Right in between all the sadness,madness and the mess i am going through right now,came a moment of unexpectedly beautiful surprise.like the french would put it,"tre's bonne surprise"
and to that i would have to say,"vraiement" indeed..
I have a friend,doesn't everybody have one.but this is different,i have never ever met him.i know this sounds a tad bit like a shady B-class bollywood movie,but this is not one of those.
We became friends,very good friends courtesy orkut.
I was a newbie at orkut,and did not for the life of god know how the scrapbook system worked.(but now,i am quite the authority).
This guy scrapped me,and we had a common friend and so i thought,this is not the typical paeodophile or psychoz trawling across the web,searching for unsuspecting victims.
One has to understand that i was passing through one of these low phases,where one has absolutely nothing to do and to make matters worse,i was out of town with my relatives,which essentially means,your connection to the outside world has effectively been severed.
Yahoo messenger was my solace,and i was just discovering orkut.
So,now back to when this one guy scraps me.so i reply back to his scrap,two or three scraps exchanged.At home my relatives plan this trip to another city for a weekend and guess what!thats where the guy stayed.
Normal people under normal circumstances,would have simply not done anything,but i am insane..right...so i give him a call in the middle of the night,the guy is bewildered and doesnt recognize me(how embarassing)..and we start talking..
it was fun..
I never ever for once thought it was weird,till like a few months back when i was thinking about the whole episode and was thinking,"OH My LORD!!!!I DID THAAAT!!"
over the course of time,we became best buddies and continue to remain so,fellow confidante,fellow travellophile(if such a word exists),fellow reasoner.its a beautiful thing we have going on.Its purely platonic and are each others agony aunt and act as sounding board for each other.
Work woes,friend trouble,future plans,discussed it all
Now he is going away to a pseudo continent to pursue his dream.
I wish him all the luck,I know he will do very well.
and coming to the surprise finally,
yesterday i got a package in my name,That never happens,but i did.
It was sent by his highness himself.
it had a book about travelling across europe,for he knows it is one of dreams to hitch hike across the continent wit multiple cultures,multiple types of beer et al..
I was truly moved by the gesture
Inside it was written,
" Vaishu.,
Sweet lovable and unavailable friend!"In a small effort to inspire you and make (or rather enable) you to travel europe 'on the job' and not as a visitor or a mere traveller.NOW.go chase your dream!!make yourself proud."
isn't it adorable.
The book is Neither here nor there by Bill Bryson.

Thank you..

Though,i would say,being judgemental is the worst thing one can do and would profess that judgemental people put me off immediately,let us face it,we all do it,not because we want to do it,but because our brains are simply tuned to do so by default.
What is a judgement?A judgement or a conclusion can be made about things or people.It is a function of input data,which is nothing but our pre-knowledge about a certain thing or person specifically or the generic stereotypes and prejudices instilled in us by way of society.For example,When someone you meet, for the first time,doesn't speak the perfect version of the queen's language like you do,with the diction that's taught in convents,one would immediately think,arre,gaanv waala hoga,must be stupid,For all you know,the guy can be a super genius at anything he takes up.We go to a shop and ask for a pair of levis,the shop guy gives you a locally made pair of jeans,your brain immediately rejects it,assuming its of an inferior quality,as it is a prejudice that has been reinforced inour heads through a million advertisements on the television and hence the judgement that it is, and will be bad,without even giving the pair of jeans as much as a chance or thought against levis.Our brain functions like a computer,and based on the data given,it gives a particular output,which is nothing else but OUR own,PERSONAL INTERPRETATION of the given data,based on what we knowand all of us know,interpretation is unique to every person.
In this age of social networking and instant information,one cannot avoid forming judgements about things,people,their characters,lifestyles and anything at all,however one can stop themselves from being cemented and concreteted in stone about the opinions and judgements they form for the first time and be willing to explore the unknown.

very true...

This was quoted my friend wrt my previous post,about being a rebel and tam-bhram,i find it true and as close to something ive been wanting to say and ve never been able put it down in words..
" we r dysfunctional kids in ruptured society that structures minds n circumstance to not be able to express their mundane n redundant thoughts anywhere except on virtual codes written more often than not purely for the emotional n egoistic satisfaction of having arbitrary faceless strangers who are just as bored reading them for mindless entertainment...."
(c) All rights reserved wit N

Rebel..

I look like the most decent junta around,on first looks,but there is lots to know,if u just scratch beneath the surface..lots of people will vouch for this...my life resembles this pattern.

------Normalcy--------Iiiinnnnsanity---------Normalcy-----
A person is a product of his or her surroundingsI am no exeption,though these qualities have been reduced to vestiges..If my parents had their way,I would have become the ideal,greasy haired,queasy looking,muggu,thayir chaadam(curd rice) eating engineer.

I am a rebel without a cause,I rebel because of the restrictions,and the innumerable constraints placed on my way to "my idea of freedom".I rebel for the heck of it.I dont know why?I guess its just a mentality,a psyche that makes you do things you are not asked to do..The forbidden fruit is always alluring..
I am not a rebel in the true sense of the word,Compliance is one of my weapons.Play by the rules of the game,just bend it to your advantage.Optimise within constraints.One can optimise within constraints only if you know about all possible constarints and understand them.

The idea is to be smart,comply with everyone and everything,make everyone believe you are incapable of blasphemy and strike when no ones looking,and strike hard.
Impulsiveness and spontaneity are the key to having fun,do what you think?just make sure they are within the framework of constraints..
I am guessing,this is just a phase and will pass just as it came.I don't regret one bit of it as this phase has enabled me to things,i would have not even dreamed of under normal circumstances...
More on that later...:)

Insane

My latest favourite word after "Bolo" is "Insane"..I have been abusing the word..though i am pathetic at computers,i think this what,all those knowledgeable geeks call,"cyclic redundancy error".its happening to me.things get stuck in my brain and i get into a rut....damn!!!!!!!have to stop!This is INSANE!!!!!

Orhan Pamuk-Snow

"Rising up inside him was that sensation he had always felt as a child and as a young man at moments of extraordinary happiness:the prospect of future misery and hopelessness.In a panic,he tried to bring this happy moment to a close.This , he hoped,would lessen the impact of the unhappiness he knew would follow."-Orhan Pamuk in Snow
These few sentences may not make sense to most of you,but for me ,it is as obvious as drops of blood on pristine snow.
I've always believed that,god created earth with a sense of balance.All contradictions have to be moderated.I like economics a lot,In the short run,there are imbalances and disequilibrium ,but in the long run,any function reaches equilibrium and all imbalances get evened out.Happiness and misery are no different.At the end of your life,you would have laughed as much as you have cried.Misery is over-rated and it may seem that you have cried more than you have had the good times.At the end of the day our balance sheets have to be tallied. L.H.S has to be equal to R.H.S. for any equation to be true.Contradictions form an equality and equalities form contradictions.

SELF ESSENC(S)E

ME, I am Vaishnavi. This is the identity within the walls of which I live . I am a student ,a daughter , a friend , a sister , an enemy ,a betrayer ,and a liar .Thus ,Vaishnavi is my boundary , mighty fortress within whose walls I dwell.

These walls have been erected by no one else but me . these walls are built of bricks of my mannerisms , my queerness , my individuality , my Duality , my multiplicity , my habits good or bad , they are my own , my Language , my roots , my culture , my dreams , aspirations , ambitions , inhibitions , insecurities are the bricks that make me . my rock solid foundation is made of my Character and my set of morals built painstakingly over years , change is indeed the only constant in life .

I am who I am today because of my past , my past involves my friends , family who stood by me through thick and thin , and also because I did what I did then . In hindsight I know what went right and what went wrong . I am a strict believer of the fact that there is no such thing as right or wrong . What may seem right today may turn horribly wrong tomorrow . The decision that sounds off key and wrong may be the best decision ever in your life .

I am full of contradictions , this everyone I know say , indicates a restless mind . This ever raging battle between the right and the wrong , the black and the white , the truth and the lie , the mind and the heart , the open mind and the prejudiced mind , the shy and the bold , the angry and the kind . All of this makes me the person I am , today . The person in front of you .

I am a dreamer .Descartes once told , ”I think therefore I am ”.I dream therefore , for that moment , I am , what I can only hope to be . I see glimpses of reality in my dreams and I begin to channelise my energies to convert these vicarious thrills to tangible results . My dreams always seem to have all the right solutions to the right problems .I see new directions , dimensions , perspectives to my problems . I discover new planes or faces of my own self .

I am a puzzle to myself , I make each day interesting by solving a bit of the cryptic puzzle which is me . I don’t believe in pretenses and ambiguity . I am content living without them . I have nothing to hide and I have nothing to be ashamed of . I am not afraid of anything getting stolen nor being deprived of anything nor am I afraid of anyone and will not wait a moment to speak my mnd out.

I am not perfect . I am very human . There are a few things I dislike about myself , I am stubborn , manipulative , and blunt at times which hurts the people I love the most . I am lazy and I know I am wasting away all my capabilities by procrastinating and wasting time and I have a concentration span of that of an ant . I am extremely impulsive and highly inflammable and consummate at convincing people that my way is the right way , even if it isn’t .

I am a strong believer of the fact that trust begets trust . I am an open book to one and all and I pride myself on the fact that I am not judgemental and accept human weakness as it is . I dislike being judged . I dislike my decisions getting influenced by others .

On the lighter side , I love reading and I am a dilettante. Rest Assured , no one will die of ennui with me around . I am loquacious and taciturn . I am a true ambivert . I thrive in company , yet crave solitude for introspection at the end of the day . I love emotions , I believe they make you or they break you . I love to observe people and their reactions to given situations . it gives me rare insights into the working of the intricate human mind which never ceases to amaze me .

Being the narcissist I am . I bet I could continue forever , but this is where I stop and say thank you for being a patient listener , though things seldom made sense and confused you . That is me , my friends . seldom understood and confused .

P.S. This was written as an assignment for a feminist literature course i took up in college..

Hope everyone likes it..

:) Kindly excuse the punctuation errors..

Danish

I am sure this happens to every one of us,suddenly arbit words come and get stuck in our limited resource brains..this is exactly what happened to me today.Out of the blue,the word "Danish",got stuck in my head..i knew this was a language spoken in country,where the countrymen are called 'Danes' like Indians in India.I also knew Scooby-Dooo is a great dane,which means this breed of dogs originated from the same country,but some how,the name of the country eluded me completely.Hence,me and my creative brain set about thinking of an appropriate name for the country where Danish is spoken and the countrymen are called danes and their dogs are deemed greater than its countrymen and are called Great Danes..The task seemed more important,when i realised they have given us the buttery,melty Danish cookies,How could i leave this country nameless??it would be a grave grave mistake to do so..and hence began my quest to name or rather rename this country to my whim and fancy.Before the right name,that is Denmark struck my dandy head,i must ve thought atleast ten other names for the country..

Dandia like India
Dance like france
Dana like china
danny like germany
Danico like mexico
Danpan like japan
Danland like england
Danbia like zambia
Danzil like brazil
Danway like norway

Believe me,you,i actually thought of such ludicrous names ,before realising that my effort will go futile,if i do not use the magic powers of google and wikipedia.
Now i know,I have the power.
May the force be with you..
:)

Being a Tam-Bhram,the love for filter coffee,paruppu sambar,and peppery rasam are deeply ingrained in ur dna..its difficult to survive without the 3 o clock fix of coffee...yesterday was just another day in my boring vacations,which seem to stretch end lessly like a straight line without a pause or a comma or any punctuation marks at all...(u know wt i mean)..At three,my circadian alarm went off..screeeeeeccchhh!!!scccrrreeeeaaacchhh!!!my taste buds awoke n i was alert..all of a sudden from my soporific stupor..my nose was sniffing around for the sensual aroma of filter coffee..I moved into the kitchen made tht beautiful dark brown earthy decoction and then realised NO MILK!!!!how was i to survive that unrelenting day,without my fix..panic started setting in,words began to fail me,then i did something for the very first time in my life..drank cofee........BLACK!!!Necessity is truly the mother of all inventions.While i gulped down the coffee black in my desparation,somewhere in some region of my brain,impulses of pleasure were being sent out in rather in rather small bursts..and this was my Eurekaaah moment!!!people!!!!I discovered black coffeee!!!how i wish to say,this was the happy ending to my story..migraine can be the bane of every person who loves coffee .my body had grown used to my sweet-bitter dose of milky coffee with its fix of, nervous system stimulating fix of caffeine,however an overdose of caffeine,can cause a lot of anguish..Under normal circumstances,i am a nocturnal creature,out and out.I can stay up till 5 in the morning,but can never wake up that early after a good night's sleep..Last nite was horrible,it proved to me,Too much of a good thing is definitely definitely bad..Caffeine induced migraine,combined with an over-stimulated nervous system and insomnia is a hideous combination..each second felt like an aeon,could feel my eyes popping out of my skull,and every nerve throbbing inside,my neck felt like it would snap,never thought i would make it to dawn...but god,s ways are mysterious.I made it!!!!!here i am,telling my story,for the whole world to hear..hence people,the moral of this story is....NEVER EVER HAVE BLACK COFFEE WHEN U GOT MIGRAINE..
P.S:i shall try to improve the quality of my blog,hence forth.:)